Problems Or Ineffective Solutions?

Most of our current problems are solutions our past self came up with when it didn't have more options or resources. Our patterned responses to people, situations, and internal experiences might not be helpful to the person we are today.

But those patterns can be traced back to a time in our life when this was the solution (whether from a place of creativity or lack of resources) we came up with considering the context we were in at the time. As we move through life, there will always be signs showing us when our old solutions have become outdated and ineffective.

Here's an example from my life. The summer before I turned 15, I started smoking cigarettes. It was a solution for fitting in and belonging in my small, but very close friend group. Over time, this habit became an identity and a way to socialize with people. I dragged this 10 year old habit with me to the U.S. where, almost overnight, it became a real impediment towards who I wanted to be. Smoking was more complicated to maintain in the U.S. than it was in Serbia and as I started paying more attention to my health and lifestyle. Being a smoker was a layer of identity I was fully ready to shed. I quit and never looked back. 

So next time you feel stuck in a reoccurring problem or a habit that seems hard to ditch, try to have a bit more compassion and respect for these patterns. See if you can understand how and why you developed them in the first place and how they might have been the right solution at a different time in your life. 

Reflection Questions:

• What current problem are you trying to solve that was (or maybe still is) an ineffective solution to another problem?

• Can you find a new solution that feels congruent with who you are now?

• What would be a more effective solution?