The Unstable Path to Growth: Embracing Discomfort as a Sign of Change

Change is often romanticized as a moment of clarity, a breakthrough, or a shift that suddenly makes everything feel better. But in reality, change—real, meaningful change—often feels like instability. It can feel disorienting, confusing, and even unsettling. When we begin to step away from our long-standing patterns, the ones we’ve relied on for so long to make sense of ourselves and the world, there’s often a moment (or many moments) of feeling lost. And while that feeling is uncomfortable, it’s actually a sign that change is happening.

Discomfort as a Signal, Not a Stop Sign

When we’re in unfamiliar emotional territory, our automatic instinct is to retreat to what feels known, even if it no longer serves us. The old habits, the familiar thought loops, the same patterns of reaction—they may not be helpful, but they are comfortable. And in moments of discomfort, we crave comfort.

But growth isn’t about retreating back to comfort. Growth is about noticing the discomfort and resisting the pull to be led by autopilot reactions. It’s about making the conscious choice, in those moments of uncertainty, to pause. To sit with the feeling of not knowing. To acknowledge that we’re in the middle of change, and instead of running from it, allowing ourselves to move through it.

The Temptation to Go Back to Old Patterns

Let’s say you’re trying to change a long-standing pattern—maybe you’re working on setting boundaries, responding to stress differently, or breaking free from self-sabotaging behaviors. There will come a moment when you feel the familiar pull to do what you’ve always done. Maybe it’s avoiding a tough conversation, numbing your emotions, or engaging in self-criticism because it feels easier than self-compassion.

In those moments, your mind might try to convince you that change isn’t working or that it’s too hard. It will tell you that going back to what you know will make you feel better. And honestly, it might—temporarily. But the real transformation comes when you resist that urge, when you pause and say, I’m not going to take that familiar road, even though I know it so well. I’m going to try something different.

Learning to Sit with Uncertainty

Feeling uncertain doesn’t mean you’re lost; it means you’re growing. Over time, what once felt unbearable starts to feel manageable. The instability of change begins to settle into something new, something different. But that doesn’t happen overnight. It happens in those small, quiet moments of choosing to respond differently, again and again.

The more we resist the temptation to default to old behaviors, the more we strengthen our ability to tolerate discomfort.

If you’re feeling disoriented in your growth process, remind yourself that it’s part of the process. Change isn’t linear. It’s messy, uncomfortable, and often comes with moments of doubt. But those moments don’t mean you’re doing something wrong—they mean you’re doing something right. You’re stepping into the unknown, which means you’re stepping into possibility.

Next time you feel the urge to go back to what’s familiar, pause. Breathe. Stay with the discomfort. Give yourself a choice. Remind yourself that discomfort isn’t a stop sign—it’s proof that you’re in the middle of something important. And that’s exactly where change happens.