Don't Be Scared of Your Anger—Harness Its Power

Many of us grow up learning that anger is something to be feared, suppressed, or avoided. Women in particular have been socialized to believe that anger is destructive, inappropriate, or even shameful. As a result, we may push it down, pretend it’s not there, or try to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Other times, when we can no longer contain it, anger erupts in ways that feel out of control, leaving us feeling guilty or misunderstood.

But what if anger wasn’t something to fear? What if, instead of avoiding or unleashing it recklessly, we learned to listen to it and harness its power?

Anger isn’t inherently bad or negative—it’s a natural and necessary emotion. It signals to us that something important is happening, that a boundary has been crossed, that we feel unheard, unseen, or unjustly treated. Anger carries wisdom, but we can only access it if we slow down and get curious rather than react impulsively.

Instead of pushing anger away or letting it control us or fester inside of us, we can ask ourselves:

• What is my anger trying to tell me?

• What value of mine is being threatened or ignored?

• What action would help me feel more aligned with my needs and boundaries?

For example, if you feel angry after a conversation with a friend, your initial impulse might be to lash out or withdraw completely. But if you pause and reflect, you might realize that your anger is signaling an unmet need for respect, honesty, or deeper connection. When we recognize what our anger is pointing to, we can respond intentionally instead of reacting in ways we may regret.

Anger is a powerful force for change.

It carries energy, movement, and motivation. Some of the most powerful social movements and personal transformations have been fueled by anger—not destructive rage, but intentional, focused energy directed toward change. When we make space for our anger, we can channel it into action—advocating for ourselves, setting stronger boundaries, speaking up for what matters, and making meaningful changes in our lives and relationships.

So instead of fearing your anger, try meeting it with curiosity. Let it guide you toward deeper self-awareness and aligned action. Next time you feel anger rising, take a breath and ask: What is this emotion trying to show me? How can I use this energy in a way that serves me and the life I want to create? When we stop running from anger and start listening to it, we transform it from something we fear into a powerful tool for growth and change.