If You’re Not Cheerful, You’re Normal
‘Tis the season…
To be constantly reminded of the importance of family and togetherness. Invitations to be grateful and spread holiday cheer are plentiful. We’re told that this season is all about connection, joy, giving thanks, and definitely giving gifts because do you even care unless you spend money?!
But for so many, the holiday season is one not filled with connection, gratitude, and joy; rather, it’s a reminder of loneliness, lack of close connections, and unfulfilled desires. So, if you’re not feeling all warm, fuzzy, and jolly—welcome to living a full life. You are normal!
Not having what we want sucks…
Looking at the world during this time may amplify a sense of emptiness and lack. You might think, Everyone else seems to have someone by their side or something to celebrate. It’s as if the goodness of others’ lives seems to double and shine brighter when you’re feeling low. I want to remind you that these idyllic depictions of togetherness we frequently see on social media don’t show the full reality; they’re a cherry-picked snapshot in time. Reality is always more complex and messy than we get to see.
Cheerfulness is not the only way to exist during the holidays!
Being cheerful, grateful, and full of joy is not the only way to exist during this season. Maybe your cup runneth over with sadness, disappointment, hurt, regret, or anger. Forcing yourself into gratitude might feel like a long leap. What if, instead, you simply allow all the feels to take up space and come and go as they need to?
Feelings are like guests.
Some are pleasant, and you just wish they could stay a little longer because when you’re with them, life feels so much richer and sweeter… And then there are the ones that make a big mess in your home and overstay their welcome. They suck your energy away and require recovery time after their visit. (This is not from personal experience; I’m speaking hypothetically ;)). Whichever ones are visiting you right now, give them the opportunity to be with you in all their glory. Notice if there is a tendency to wrestle with difficult feelings or you’re trying to make them go away, and how all of that creates an extra struggle. Drop the struggle by getting to know them. Ask if they carry any messages for you—anything you need to know.
Aaaaand…
If you choose to do so, and only when you feel ready, you are allowed to sprinkle some goodness on those feelings. You can choose to be a little extra nice to yourself when you’re hurting and struggling. You might be surprised to notice that when you make space for all your feelings and take the time to understand them, they will naturally start to loosen their grip. They won’t seem nearly as big, significant, or overwhelming as they did when they were strangers.
What will happen next?!
This season will pass, because everything does. Life is an ever-changing buffet of options (Wow, another metaphor? I’m on a roll!) Don’t let the current selection overwhelm you or bring you down; rather, be intrigued by it. Ask yourself: I wonder what will happen next? When this passes, what might take its place?
Reminder
Whatever you are experiencing this season is a way to live and exist. Feelings come and go. Embrace them, let them be, and let them go when it’s time. Nothing other than what is happening should be happening. Fill your cup in ways that are nurturing and available to you. No matter what life brought you this season, remember that everything is temporary, and you have no idea what can happen next!