From Good vs. Bad to Helpful vs. Unhelpful: A Mindset Shift for Personal Growth
When you think about your daily actions, how often do you find yourself labeling them as “good” or “bad”? Maybe you feel proud of going to the gym and call it “good,” or you regret eating that extra slice of pizza and call it “bad.” This black-and-white thinking is so common, yet it often leaves us feeling stuck, guilty, or even disconnected from the person we want to be.
But what if we approached our behaviors differently? Instead of judging them as “good” or “bad,” we could ask ourselves: Is this behavior helpful?
Why “Helpful” Beats “Good” or “Bad”
When we shift our focus to whether something is helpful, it changes the game. Helpful behaviors bring us closer to our values—the things that matter most to us, like being kind, healthy, or present with loved ones. These actions make us feel aligned with the person we aspire to be.
On the other hand, unhelpful behaviors tend to steer us away from our values. They leave us feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like we’re living on autopilot.
This isn’t about morality or worthiness; it’s about whether our actions are supporting or hindering the life we want to live.
For Example:
Is scrolling through social media for hours “bad”? Maybe not. But is it helping you feel connected or achieve your goals? Probably not.
Is skipping a workout “bad”? Not necessarily. But is it helpful for your long-term health or energy levels? Maybe not.
How to Recognize Helpful vs. Unhelpful Behaviors
Knowing whether your actions support you or not starts with increased awareness. Here’s how you can practice this:
1. Identify Your Values
It’s hard to know what’s helpful if you’re unclear about your values and what’s important to you in life. Take time to reflect on what matters the most to you. Is it connection, growth, kindness, health, success or something else? Write these down and use them as a compass for your decisions.
2. Pause and Reflect
When you’re about to make a choice (or even after you’ve already made one) pause and ask yourself:
Is this action bringing me closer to the person I want to be?
Does this support my values?
If the answer is yes, it’s probably helpful. If not, it might be worth reconsidering.
3. Notice Patterns
Pay attention to when you feel most aligned with your values. What actions or habits make you feel proud or fulfilled? On the flip side, what behaviors leave you feeling disconnected, depleted, or stuck?
4. Practice Self-Compassion
I know, I know, you’ve heard this one before, but it’s for a good reason. If you catch yourself in an unhelpful pattern, resist the urge to judge yourself. Instead of thinking, “I’m so bad for doing this,” try saying, “This wasn’t helpful, but I can choose differently next time.”
Side note: Judging yourself could also be one of the internal behaviors that’s worth examining in terms of whether it’s helpful or not.
When Unhelpful Actions Still Serve a Purpose
Here’s the thing: all behaviors serve a purpose! For instance, binge-watching TV might feel like an escape from stress. While it may not align with your long-term values, it’s addressing a short-term need. Recognizing this can help you find healthier ways to meet that same need—like journaling, going for a walk, or calling a friend.
The Power of Alignment
We are humans and that means we are not going to be 100% aligned with what’s important to us. That’s not the point. The point is to uncover those behaviors that create barriers to living a full life and create more problems down the road.
Each small step toward your values creates momentum and strengthens your sense of purpose. So, next time you’re tempted to judge yourself or your actions as “good” or “bad,” pause. Ask yourself if what you’re doing is helpful. And remember, every moment is an opportunity to choose the path that brings you closer to the life you want to live.