Therapy Myths, Realities, And Why Change Happens Outside of The Sessions

“In my early professional years I was asking the question, How can I treat, or cure, or change this person. Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?” - Carl Rodgers

When people think about therapy, a lot of expectations and misconceptions come to mind. Some imagine dramatic, tearful breakthroughs, while others picture a therapist holding a magic wand that instantly fixes their problems.

Therapy is powerful, but it’s also a process—one that works best when we let go of unrealistic expectations and embrace the messy, beautiful reality of growth. Continue reading as I break down a few myths, explore why therapy isn’t just about what happens in the sessions, and talk about how you can make real change happen.

Therapy Is All About Big “Aha!” Moments

A common myth about therapy is that every session will bring life-changing revelations, like solving all the mysteries of your childhood in 50 minutes once a week. While some sessions can feel like a lightning bolt of clarity, most of the time, therapy is more like planting seeds.

Those seeds of insight may not sprout until days, weeks, or even months after your session. And that’s okay! Real change comes from patiently tending to those seeds—reflecting on insights, trying out new behaviors, and learning from what works (and what doesn’t) outside of the therapy hour.

If You’re Not Changing Fast Enough, You’re Doing It Wrong

Sometimes people start therapy with the belief that they need to “fix” themselves right now. They put immense pressure on themselves to change overnight, thinking, “If I’m still struggling after a few sessions, this must not be working.”

But here’s the thing: rushing change often backfires. Pressure creates resistance, and therapy is about understanding yourself—not forcing yourself into a mold of who you think you “should” be. The truth is, change is gradual. It’s not a straight line but more like a series of zigzags, loops, and small victories.

Truth: The Real Work Happens Between Sessions

Here’s the big secret: therapy isn’t just what happens in the room (or on the Zoom call). Therapy is like a workout for your emotional and mental muscles, but the real strength-building happens when you take what you’ve learned and apply it to your daily life.

For example:

    •    That boundary you talked about in session? The progress happens when you actually try setting it in real life (and maybe learn how to stick to it).

    •    The self-compassion you’re working on? That’s built in the moments when you catch yourself being overly critical and decide to speak kindly to yourself instead.

Therapists can provide the tools, guidance, and support, but it’s your actions outside the sessions that truly move the needle.

How to Make the Most of Therapy

    1.    Be Curious, Not Critical

Change happens when we approach ourselves with curiosity rather than judgment. Instead of thinking, “I’m failing because I’m not getting better fast enough,” try asking, “What’s one small thing I can do differently this week?”

    2.    Take Small, Imperfect Steps

You don’t have to overhaul your entire life at once. Maybe it’s practicing saying “no” to one thing, journaling about your feelings, or scheduling a five-minute walk. Consistently practicing these small steps adds up over time and inevitably results in a meaningful change.

    3.    Celebrate the Wins (Even the Tiny Ones)

Sometimes, progress looks like simply noticing that you’re reacting differently than you used to. That’s worth celebrating! Therapy isn’t about perfection; it’s about growth.

    4.    Give Yourself Time

Just like building a new habit or learning a new skill, emotional growth takes time. There’s no deadline for healing or self-improvement.

Therapy is Not Magic

Therapy is a powerful tool, but it’s not magic. It’s a space to explore, understand, and practice new perspectives. The real magic happens when you take what you learn and bring it into your life. So, if you’re feeling stuck or wondering why change isn’t happening fast enough, know this: you’re doing it right. Growth takes time, and the small steps you take outside of therapy are the ones that lead to the biggest transformations.