Just Because You’re in Therapy Doesn’t Mean You Have to Change

I frequently get to witness something really interesting: just because someone is in therapy, it doesn’t mean they want to change. And honestly? They don’t have to.

Not everyone who comes to therapy wants to or feels ready to change their life, their relationships, or even themselves.

Often, the real pull to therapy is something much deeper and quieter: a desire to be seen, heard, and come to a place of acceptance within themselves.

Many people initially think they should want change.

We live in a world obsessed with "fixing," "optimizing," "hacking" ourselves into better versions. So it's no surprise that many people feel they should want to overhaul their lives or personalities and be the best version of themselves, whatever that means. But underneath that "should" is often a quieter, wiser voice saying, "Actually, I'd like to just understand myself. I'd like to accept who I already am."

Therapy isn't about flipping our lives upside down. It's about exploring, getting curious, and creating the conditions where real change might happen — if and when we're ready. It's about understanding our motivations, desires, and our real selves.

Change Can Be Terrifying

Change threatens what we know, what we've built, what feels familiar — even if what we know isn't authentic or comfortable. Our adaptations and defenses have been carefully crafted and cemented over a lifetime. They're not flaws. They're ingenious survival strategies. They've kept us safe, functional, and adaptive (even when it doesn't feel that way).

No wonder they don't just dissolve overnight or after a great insight.

Progress in therapy isn't measured only by big, dramatic changes. In fact, change is just one potential measure of progress.

There are so many other ways to grow:

Finding more compassion for yourself

Understanding your inner world

Learning why you do the things you do

Allowing yourself to just be without needing to "fix" anything

Simply sitting with your own experience without judgment

Giving yourself the gift of time and space that’s just yours

Prioritizing peace and self-care

Becoming more playful, lighthearted, and creative

Sometimes even when we know a change could potentially "benefit" us, we don’t feel ready to walk in those new shoes. Because readiness isn't logical; it's emotional, it's relational, it's deep. Readiness requires safety. Therapy honors that pacing. It gives people a place to pause, question, breathe, and decide for themselves.

In the end, you don't have to rip out your roots to grow. Sometimes, it's enough to water the soil you're already standing in. (I couldn’t resist a good growth metaphor ;)).