The Self-Improvement trap: When Working on Yourself Isn't Working
Have you ever felt like you're stuck in a never-ending self-improvement cycle, but instead of feeling more at peace with who you are, you keep finding new deficiencies to “work on” and end up feeling worse about yourself?
This is a common experience many high achievers and self-proclaimed doers face. It's the self-improvement trap: the more you try to change for the better, the more you seem to fall short.
Signs that “working” on yourself isn’t working
Maybe self-improvement started as a fun challenge that gave you a sense of purpose and control over your life, but it’s important to reevaluate if the process you’re in actually improves your quality of life or whether it makes you feel exhausted and burned out.
Here are 5 few sign to watch out for:
Consuming But Not Creating: You're constantly taking in self-help advice, doing workshops, buying memberships, reading and learning, but never putting it into action. It becomes a form of procrastination, a way to avoid discomfort and challenges of real life.
Self-Help as a Crutch: Whenever you face a challenge, your first instinct is to reach for another self-help resource instead of relying on your own coping skills or seeking support from loved ones. This can lead into you relying on other people’s wisdom and “expertise” instead trusting yourself.
Fun Things & Interests Take a Backseat: Your self-improvement journey becomes all-consuming, leaving you neglecting social connections, fun interests and soaking in the small, joys of life.
The Never-Ending To-Do List: You feel overwhelmed by an endless list of self-improvement goals, never feeling satisfied with your progress. This constant pressure can lead to anxiety and burnout.
Discontentment Despite Success: Even if you achieve some goals, a nagging feeling of inadequacy persists. You compare yourself to unrealistic ideals and dismiss your accomplishments. And no matter how much you do, it never feels like enough as you keep moving the goal post further and further.
If you recognize these signs, here are some tips to find a healthier balance:
Focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate small wins and acknowledge your efforts. Focus on how far you’ve come, don’t just keep looking at how far there is to go.
Take action! Don't just consume, experiment with the advice you learn, put the insights into action, and find a way to challenge yourself in purposeful way.
Make time for fun. Prioritize activities that bring you joy and reduce stress and that have nothing to do with self-improvement! Do things just for fun!
Seek support from a therapist. Friends are great, no doubt, but friends have the same biases that you do and are not the most qualified when it comes to digging deeper. Therapist can help you address what’s driving an unhealthy obsession with self-improvement and find more productive ways to create meaning and purpose in life.
Remember, self-improvement shouldn't be a punishment or a sprint to a destination of perfection! It's should be about enjoying the process that improves your well-being and increases the quality of your life.