Wanting what you have
Overcoming the Gap between what is and what could be
Recently, I came across a talk by philosopher William B. Irvine where he discussed the Gap Theory of Happiness. Essentially, the theory posits that our unhappiness stems from the discrepancy between our current reality and our idealized version of life. We're always looking outward, focusing on what we don't have: better jobs, more money, more recognition, or simply more free time.
When our lives are consumed by this constant pursuit of "what could be," we operate from a place of lack and dissatisfaction. The happiness always seems to be out there. This leads to a perpetual cycle of striving colored by dissatisfaction and discontentment.
So how do we close the happiness gap?
There are two primary paths:
Striving for More: This involves actively working towards achieving our goals and desires. While this can be rewarding, it's important to recognize that once we attain these goals, we may quickly adapt to our new reality and find ourselves seeking something else. We may keep finding ourselves in this gap over and over again.
Appreciating What We Have: Alternatively, we can learn to desire what we already have. By finding satisfaction and contentment in our current circumstances, we can shift our focus away from what we lack and towards what we have. It may seem simple, but this can be challenging because we often become accustomed to our reality.
Why is it so difficult to appreciate what we have?
One reason is that we quickly habituate to our circumstances. What once felt extraordinary can become ordinary over time. For example, once we achieve goals that our past selves would have considered impressive, the present version of us may take them for granted.
To counteract this, the Stoics advocated for a practice called negative visualization. This involves imagining what your life would be like without the things you often take for granted. For example, imagine what it would be like if you lost your health, your job, or your relationships. By considering these hypothetical scenarios, you can gain a deeper appreciation for the blessings in your life.
In conclusion, while it's natural to desire more, being happy is not so much about ”finding” happiness but about becoming aware of the abundance that already exists in this moment. By cultivating gratitude, practicing negative visualization, and focusing on what you already have, you can interrupt the cycle of endless striving and experience a greater sense of contentment and fulfillment.
Consider:
How often do you find yourself focusing on what you don't have, rather than what you do have?
What are some things in your life that you often take for granted?
How might practicing negative visualization help you appreciate the blessings in your life?
What steps can you take to cultivate a greater sense of gratitude and contentment?